You Are Loved

My husband and I just celebrated 17 years together. That is a long time, considering we got culturally married at the age of 15 and 16. That means we have now been together longer than we have been with our own families. Seventeen years...I still can't believe it.

It makes me think of how far we've come, and all that we been through--the good and bad. There were many times when we almost gave up, many times I didn't think we would make it. There were times I no longer wanted to try; I had no more energy and nothing left to give. Our marriage wasn't easy, nor was our love story like that of a fairy tale. In fact, it may have been just the opposite. We've had so many issues and challenges in our marriage. It would be too many to list or try to explain. In previous blogs, I share how my husband struggled with substance abuse. There was also infidelity in our marriage and periods of time when we were separated. When we were together, we moved almost every year, adding to the instability. We also had two miscarriages and lost other loved ones along the way.

The things that I experienced just kept adding to my insecurities. I had a long list of fears. I feared my husband leaving/cheating on me and our marriage falling apart. I saw friends of our getting divorces and hearing to tragic stories of families breaking apart. I wondered when it would be us. I feared my children being without a father or having to adjust in a single-parent household, and so much more. It wasn't just due our marriage, but my insecurity also stemmed from my unstable childhood.

I had a very insecure attachment style also. My attachment style was anxious, which probably had a lot to do with why I was so afraid of being abandoned or neglected. All of these factors heightened my fears and insecurities. I was always questioning his love, but when I got to the bottom of it, I was actually questioning if I was worthy of love. I didn't feel valuable; I didn't think I deserved to be loved. God saved our marriage, but that didn't take away the negative thoughts or wrong beliefs.

It wasn't until just recently, that I realized my husband does truly love me. Some of you may laugh, but that's the truth. It took me 17 long years to find out. One day, while I was praying, it just dawned on me.The revelation came that made me know and understand, without a doubt, that my husband loves me. It was a knowing that no one could take away from me.

For many years, I thought he was just with me because of comfort, convenience, or complacency. I wasn't a bad wife, I take care of him, our children, and the home well, were some of my thoughts that justified him not leaving me. I thought, maybe he was just with me because of the ease of it all or because we had children together, or he was probably with me because I made his life run smoothly. Though that may be true, I now know that he loves me and chooses to be with me. He loves me out of his own freewill, and that was such a freeing feeling to know that I was loved and that he chose to love me. It was as if someone gave me a new pair of lenses. My brain wasn't being fogged by fears and false truths. It eased my mind and gave me a newfound confidence and peace. What a wonderful feeling!

1 John 4:18 tells us there is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

I feel like God saying this to many of us today--that He loves us. His love is perfect! If we would just get it, truly understand how much He loved us, it would be so life-changing for us. Many of us struggle with trusting others, letting people in, and anxiety because we have been hurt in the past. But it's because we also don't really understand God's love for us. We may see Him loving others, but don't see him love us. Sometimes we don't love or accept ourselves; hence, we don't let others love or accept us. I struggle with all of this, but we have to get it! The Bible tells us over and over that God loves us, and gives us stories to show His love, all throughout Scripture. He gave us Jesus, forgiveness, and eternal life; yet, we still question His love. What is it going to take to truly believe that He loves us? When will we get it?

Psalm 86: 5 says that God is forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to Him. It also says that God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). Romans 8:37-39 says:

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

And there are many more verses that speak of God's love for you. If you have never truly felt loved by Him, ask God to show you what it means. You need to know this deep inside of you. It should be a knowing that no one can take, that even you can't dispute. Ask God for a fresh, deep revelation.

You know, we can't control whether God loves us or not; He just does. God loves us because He chooses to, so stop fighting it. His love isn't based on circumstances, it's based on who He is, and He is love (1 John 4:8). Accept His love. Look up Bible verses about love, listen to sermons about God's love, play songs about His love. We all desire to be loved, accepted, wanted, and some of us are looking in all the wrong places. We need to look up, at God, and received His limitless, unconditional, and abounding love. Will you receive it?

My husband and I have been together 17 years. I spent the majority of that time wondering if he truly loved me, or if I was lovable. What a waste of time. I think about how much trouble I could have saved myself if I only knew that. Now think about how old you are. God has loved you for that many years and more. He continues to love you. How much more time will we waste questioning God's love for us? The length of time I've been married feels like a long time, but imagine what eternity with Christ will be. We ought to enjoy our relationship with Christ and letting him love us. We so desperately need it! Beloved, we belong to God. He is ours and we are His (Song of Solomon 2:16; 6:3). We cannot waste anymore time questioning God's love. YOU ARE LOVED. I said, YOU ARE LOVED! YOU. ARE. LOVED. Believe it!

Let us pray.

Loving Father,

Many of us struggle with being loved or accepted. Many of us question Your love for us. Please make it known to us how much You love us. I don't think we can ever fully comprehend the height, depth, and greatness of Your love, but just a piece of that would be enough. May the readers have a true knowing of Your love for them, that it isn't dependent on who they are, what they've done, their circumstances, or anything else. There is no measurement or prerequisite to meet. You just love us because You do. There is nothing we can do to stop You from loving us, or to make You love us more. May we just sit with that, put that knowing deep inside our spirit and soul. May we be made perfect in Your love. Removed the lies and hindrances of the enemy. Holy Spirit, open the readers hearts, ear, eyes, minds, and understanding to receive the love of God. Also bring people into our lives who have Your love. Surround us with loving and Godly people, and help us to be the same. Heal us from past hurts and wounds. Break down any barriers or bonds. May we leap forward into all that You have for us, knowing Your love. For You are the One true God, the Living God, the God of Love! Praise and Glory to You! In Jesus' name, amen.

Prayerfully,

Pam