Why am I so angry?
I wrote a post about Anger last year in March, but this time I am taking a different approach. A few months ago, God showed me the root/cause of my anger, and it was extremely liberating! I'd like to share it with you, as it may give you some understanding, insight, and/or help you. Before I start, let me share who I was before I truly knew God. I used to have a poor and terrible attitude; I was angry all the time. Short-tempered, bitter, negative, resentful, moody, and hateful are other words that could describe me back then. I would get upset about people doing things, or not doing things. I would get upset when people didn't agree with me, or listen to me. I got angry when things didn't go my way, or when I didn't get what I wanted. On top of that, I was impatient and hated waiting, which also contributed to my anger. I rarely ever had joy, and did not enjoy life. It felt replusivd being angry all the time, and I'm sure it was horrible for those who had to experience my behavior also. Thankfully today, I'm not as angry as I used to be. I still do get angry, just not to that extreme.
However, when I do get angry, my mouth goes a mile a minute. I can be rude, mean, demeaning, and hurtful, and very quickly begin complaining, venting, criticizing, and harshly judging whatever it is that I am upset about. My mind and thoughts are filled with all sorts of negativity. Once I'm all rattled up, it's hard to get me to settle back down until I'm done spewing. After my angry episode, I usually feel bad and end up apologizing and/or asking for forgiveness (from God and/or those I've hurt). It's a terrible cycle and I feel ashamed. I got so fed up with how I was behaving (and I'm sure those around me were also)! I asked God to help, and soon enough, God began correcting me and showing me what was wrong. Firstly, He showed me that it is better to keep my mouth shut, rather than trying to put my foot in my mouth later. Once something is said, it's hard to be taken back or to be forgotten about. God was absolutely right! But then, God pointed out the root of my anger; He showed me the direct cause of all my grief.
No (to my surprise), it was not my husband, kids, circumstances, or the people around me; it was me! Are you sure God? I'd ask? I mean, if he didn't do that or say that, I wouldn't have any reason to be angry! I debated. But when God speaks, He is always right. God showed me my sin of anger for what it was. He showed me the way I behaved when I was angry, and it was not a pretty sight. It was actually quite embarrassing! He showed me that I desired to be in control, and when I was no longer in control, that is when the anger came.
You see, in my life, there were a lot of things that I had no control over. I couldn't control that my father was verbally abusive, or that my family was highly dysfunctional. I couldn't control how people treated me because of the way I looked, or whether they liked me or not. I couldn't control what people thought of me or my family. I couldn't control being shunned or disrespected. I couldn't control my father's angry outbursts, and all the fighting that occurred within my home. My home life was completely out of control.
So when I got older, I did my best to keep everything I could, under my control, so that nothing would ever disappoint me, hurt me, or blindsight me. But, I was wrong. I was still disappointed, hurt, and shocked, and even more so because I found that I couldn't control my husband, friends, and all the other things around me. I couldn't even control myself, and my mouth for that matter. Often times, my anger was displaced. Someone would do something offensive, or say something hurtful to me, to which I could do nothing about. The pain would settle in my heart, then my child or someone would do or say something small that would set me off. The anger bubble up, and then the yelling would start up; I was a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.
When I learned that my lack of control or the feeling of being out of control was the root of my anger, it made so much sense. It was so simple, yet I had been blind to it for so long. Instead of me controlling the things around me, the anger was controlling me! Additionally, the anger became so normal, that it was also a self-soothing technique. After I griped, groaned, and complained, the anger subsided...but it did not make things any better. I did not realize this until God revealed it to me; He revealed that the anger was not helping me or the current situation. Instead, it was hurting the people I loved, and was also pushing them away. Yes, I was aware of my anger problem, but not the root cause. And though there were some environmental factors that contributed my anger, it was feeling helplessness and no control that truly caused it.
If you are also in this boat, or experience a lot of anger, here are some Bible verses that God showed me to encourage (or correct) you. They are as follows:
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires (James 1:19-20).
But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips (Colossians 3:8).
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil (Psalm 37:8).
In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold (Ephesians 4:26-27).
A fool always loses his temper, But a wise man holds it back (Proverbs 29:11).
There are more verses, but you can look those up for yourself. As you can see, it is not God's will for us to be angry. Since this revelation, I've learned that things don't always have to go my way, and that I don't have to be in control. There is One who is in control, and He is always in control; He is GOD. Even if things don't go my way, I can still have peace and joy. God will take care of me. God loves me unconditionally, and He will take care of everything. Regardless of my circumstances, I can rely on God because He has never failed me. I can do my part and pray, and He will do the rest. The same goes for you also! Let go, and let God take control. Will you do this?
Let us pray.
Father God Almighty,
I praise You. You are the Lord of lords and ruler of the all the Earth! Hallelujah. Lord, I thank You for this message, and for this revelation. I pray that You will give the readers understanding of what it is that You have taught me about anger. Some of them may be anger for other reasons. Maybe something unfair happened to them, or they are harboring unforgiveness. Whatever it is Lord, show them the root/cause of their anger, and bring healing to them. Replace their hurt, pain, and anger with peace, comfort, and joy. Set them free and give them pure thoughts. Remove the condemnation, guilt, shame, sadness, and hate. Help them to see that You are in control, and that they can rest in You. Take their burdens and worries. Give them hope and happiness. Thank You Father for Your faithfulness. You are powerful and worthy of all glory and praise. In Jesus' awesome name, amen.
Prayerfully,
Pam
