God's perfect timing

When my husband and I first got married, football and friends were his life, and in the beginning, I enjoyed watching him practice and play football. I even enjoyed the social aspect with all the other football girlfriends/wives. I didn't have much going on in my life at that time, so him playing every year wasn't really bothersome. Summers were spent sitting in the green grass and feeling the summer sun or cool evening breeze watching my husband practice/play. (Football season usually began in April/May and ended in September). Each season, my husband would practice, train, and play for small tournaments around the state. As the years passed, he became more and more consumed with football and dedicated all of his love, time, devotion, and commitment to it. This wasn't a big issue until we had children.

Our children became accustomed to their daddy playing football. At the football field, I would watch my children, while my husband practiced or played. It easily became frustrating if the weather wasn't agreeable, if the kids were throwing a fit, or if we ran out of diapers or milk. One time (during a football game), my oldest daughter fell off the monkey bars and broke her arm; I had to rush her to the ER by myself while my husband finished his game. Another time, my middle daughter was doing cartwheels and fractured her ankle. I also had to take her to the ER by myself. During these two events, I was beyond frustrated. I was seething with anger and bitterness. Also, sad and pitying myself because I had to go to the ER alone, with no support from him. (I have forgiven him now, but I still get sad thinking about these two events.)

The girls and I took a backseat in his life as he mentally, physically, emotionally, and socially prepared for the season. This was extremely hurtful as I felt abandoned, neglected, and forgotten! I felt unimportant and so worthless in his eyes. Furthermore, football always conflicted with our schedule/plans. Regardless of what event (big or small) was happening, our summer always had to be worked around his football schedule. If we chose to attend a gathering or event that conflicted with his schedule, we had to attend without him. I felt like a single mother and it pained me to realize that we were not his priority. Football prevented us from taking any summer family vacations. In fact, the football tournaments were considered our family vacations because we traveled on weekends to watch him play in tournaments. Football also took a toll on us financially and even caused strife between us when he wasn't physically playing.

Before and after a game, my husband would not be emotionally or mentally present. He spent the majority of his time on Facebook with his football group, talking about the game, strategies, what they needed to work on, what they did well, and so forth. If he was not on Facebook, he was replaying the plays over and over in his head, so even if we did try to speak to him, we did not get much communication back. I resented him and couldn't wait for him to quit. I did a lot of nagging and became very bitter. I resented him for putting all of his work, sweat, tears, joy, energy, and most of all his heart, into his meaningless hobby and friends, and constantly reminded him of how selfish he was. All the nagging had no effect on him; I could not get him to stop. No matter what I said or did, I could not force him to quit. I had even given him ultimatums. Though he made some promises to quit, when the season came around, he was always too hyped up to truly quit. He played quarterback so he was a critical player and felt very valuable and needed; but, he did not see that we, too, needed him. I'm not sure if he had forgotten his promises to quit or just blatantly disregarded it. Either way, I knew he wasn't quitting unless he decided it for himself. Each year, I began withdrawing my support from him. Not intentionally, but the excitement had vanished, no matter how much I tried to fake it. I was no longer cheering on the sidelines, but was merely an observer. I trained myself to become numb to it, otherwise the feelings of neglect and abandonment would kick in and pierce my heart. Instead of nagging, I'd make snarky remarks or just privately pray. Each time I was frustrated, I prayed.

Then last year, something happened that had never happened before. My husband fractured his left arm during a game. After his injury, he was able to finish the game, but that evening, we went to the ER because the pain in his arm would not stop. The x-ray revealed he had fractured a bone. I secretly thanked God to what I thought was an answered prayer. I thought the fracture would surely get him to quit football, but it didn't. By this time he had already been playing 14 years, and it was surely getting old. Our girls were getting older, and I desired for them to be able to join a summer sports or dance, why did everything always have to revolve around him? I continued to pray, I mean really pray!

Then, this past July, my husband got another football injury. This time he tore his ACL, MCL, and lateral meniscus. This injury was much more significant than his last one and required surgery. It has caused him to be out of work for the last 6 months. Even now, he is still doing physical therapy. I can't say that I am happy this happened, but I do feel a sense of relief--relief to have my husband back. Additionally, this injury has made him question his dedication to football. He says that the instant he fell to the ground, he shared a moment between him and God. He worshipped God and thanked God for setting him free from the bondage of football. Although he loved the sport, he could not let it go, until that moment. He praises God for giving him a way out.

I still don't know if he is completely done playing, but what I do know is that God got his attention. God has a way of speaking to us in a deep and personalized manner, but it is done in His timing. I am not saying that God is angry with my husband, or caused him to become injured. (Remember that God is merciful and we have free will). However, I do believe that God used this event to get his attention and to speak to him. God was able to speak to my husband's heart in a brief moment, and say all that I have been trying to get my husband to understand for the last 4 years! God has definitely answered my prayer, but in His way and in His timing. Don't give up hope or stop praying, God's timing is perfect.

Let us pray.

Father God,

Some of us struggling with things that have become our idol, things that consume our thoughts, time, money, attention, and energy. Whether it is us who is enslaved, or our spouse, I pray that You would speak to us. Help us to get out of the bondage, to be set free from whatever is holding us captive. Show us the things that have us ensnared, the things that we have become prisoners to. Your Word says that who Jesus sets free is free indeed (John 8:36). Lord, some of us don't even know that we are bound. I pray that You would reveal it to us. Break off all the yokes, bonds, chains, and shackles of sin. If a reader is struggling with their spouse being consumed by something, I pray that You would hear their prayers and intervene. Help them in their circumstances and situations as You have helped me. Speak to us and our spouses and show us the errors of our ways. Do not give us over to our sin, but deliver us from them. Lord, we thank You and give You praise. We wait expectantly for You to do mighty and great things in our lives. In Jesus' name, amen.

Prayerfully,

Pam

***As the 2017 year comes to an end, I am prompted to share a testimony about the work God has done in my husband this year. Please keep in mind that I love my husband very much, and that this post is not to belittle or degrade him in any way. In order to honestly share this testimony, I must share my feelings, thoughts, and frustrations. I share this story to glorify God, and share it from a place of love; however, I must also include my personal hurts, pain, and heartache. As always, I write this story from my lens, my perspective, and my experience. Thank you for your understanding.