God Redeems

Photo by Marc-Olivier Jodoin on Unsplash

I've made a lot of mistakes in life, and there are many things I am not proud of. Just this morning, I was thinking about the younger me and how I am sad for her. I mourn for her. I remember how deeply lost, hurt, and broken she was. Oh, how I wish she knew how much she was loved--knew her value and her worth--and knew God's thoughts of her. I think of how her lack of self-esteem and lack of confidence allowed her to be mistreated by others and sadly, by me. I am sorry that I didn't value or love myself, but I am thankful that God redeems.

Up until high school, I was always an A student. I loved school! Unfortunately, my home life didn't produce the most supportive environment for me to do well. It was chaotic and dysfunctional, violence and abuse was a daily occurrence. This produced a lot of trauma, a poor attachment style, and me finding unhealthy ways to cope and survive. I did my best to stay afloat, yet, there were so many life circumstances that kept pulling me under. I often tell my kids how I did life backwards and how many sacrifices were made, to get to where I am today. It may not look like much to others, but God knows how far I've come.

My husband and I got culturally married at the age of 15 and 16. I thought it would be great to get out of my chaotic home life, but it wasn't any less painful. I just traded my suffering for another type of suffering. I still felt unloved, abandoned, and undervalued. I struggled with bouts of depression, and I almost didn't graduate high school. Thankfully, I graduated on time and was surprisingly accepted to my college of choice. However, I opted not to go because I was pregnant. Life didn't get any easier, and I was still lost. I attempted school at a local community college, then quit.

After I gave my life to Christ, I started school again because I was in a "better place," but my marriage and life wasn't the greatest. In 2012, with only a year a half to obtain my BA, I decided to take a risk, leaving everything I knew behind. My husband and I moved away, leaving our family, friends, jobs and schools. We wanted to start a new chapter and to restore our marriage. Not long after, my husband decided he wanted to go to school. My schooling stayed on hold, and I worked full-time, while pregnant, so that he could complete his degree. After the death of my brother in 2015, I decided to finish my degree. In 2017, I obtained my BA and graduated with honors.

God saw all of my sacrifices and redeemed me. It was entirely by God's grace that I completed school, high school and college. He knew the desires of my heart, to finish something I began so long ago. Psalm 37:4 says it perfectly: Delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of you heart. God was the One who gave me the skills and ability to complete my degree. He provided everything I needed: Loving family, supportive friends, finances, time, perseverance, and hope.

This post isn't about titles, degrees, status, or prestige, but about God's redemption in my life. He is the God who redeems! He has done so much for me. If you only knew how far I've come, you would truly understand God's amazing, miraculous, and redemptive work in my life.

There's a passage in the Bible reads: In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps (Proverbs 16:9). This has rang so true for me. All the plans I had for myself didn't always work out. They weren't always good, but God was always there, whether He was showing me a better way, or sorting through and correcting the mess I had already made. He took my faults and mistakes, and gave them a purpose. He used them for something better and gave me beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61: 3).

Today, I am even further away from family and friends, now pursuing my master's degree. Yet, I have made new family and friends; God has provided and blessed me with so many amazing supports. It's almost been a year already, that I started this new journey. Though I am mourning another brother's death, God is keeping me afloat. He hasn't abandoned me. In fact, He is redeeming me and continues to guide me. Proverbs 32:8 says, I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.

If it wasn't for God and His love, mercy and grace, I don't know where I would be today. Though I've been through rough waters, nearly sinking and drowning, God has sustained me. May we be reminded of Psalm 37:23-24 The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

God's timing is perfect! Trust Him! As you can see, I had to endure some hardships to get me to where I am today. Some hardships were because I chose to listen to myself instead of God. The first few times around, I wasn't sure what I wanted to go to school for, now I am sure. God has given me a desire to pursue something I am passionate about, something He's given me the grace and gifts to do. I no longer want to do it my way, but His way. I've come to find that things work a lot better when you do them God's way. It won't necessarily be easier, but you will have more peace when you aren't fighting the God of the universe. Today, I live to serve Him.

Sometimes, God allows us to see why He didn't answer a prayer or do something the way we wanted it, but His way is always the BEST way! I thank God for my husband and children; they may not be perfect, but they are perfect for me. I think of certain paths or people I could have ended up with, and thank God for saving me. He knew who would truly love and accept me, and rescued me from those who didn't. What an awesome Savior he is! God has redeemed so much of my life, and He wants to do it for you also!

Read the verse below out loud, receive it, and meditate on it: The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail (Isaiah 58:11).

Let us pray.

Father God, our Great Redeemer,

I thank You for the readers and for the redeeming work You have done in my life. Because of You, I have a future that I can be excited about. Thank You that my mistakes have not prevented me from all that You have for me. You say in Isaiah 61, ""Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs."" I speak this blessing over all the readers. May they know what it is You've called them to do. Remove any shame or guilt they have. Redeem them Lord, and use their hurt and pain for Your glory. Show them what You have in store for them, that it is so much better, ""exceedingly abundantly above all"" they could ever imagine (Ephesians 3:20, NKJV). Heal Your children. Don't let the hurt immobilize Your people, but let it be used to bring healing to others and to lead them and others to You. You surely are the God who redeems. Praise and Power be to You. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Prayerfully,

Pam