My Imperfect Marriage

As you may already know (or have read), my marriage isn’t perfect. It is actually far from it, and while many things can attempt to destroy or pull my marriage apart, my husband and I are committed to remain together. We have both decided to make things work, regardless of how hard it is. We understand that a marriage requires work from the both of us, and we try our best to do our part. Although we’ve had numerous trials and tribulations that could have torn our marriage apart, there are many reasons why we have chosen to stay together. First, we have three lovely girls, and they mean the world to us. We believe in raising our children together, in a two-parent home, and we have talked about the disadvantages of divorce and some of the negative outcomes divorce can cause. But most importantly, we stay together because of our relationship with Jesus Christ. We believe that with Jesus, we can overcome any problem. Last, but not least, we’ve been together nearly 15 years, so why start over? Those are all good reasons, but the main reason we are together is because of the grace of God. God has changed us both, and helped us to recognize what we need to do and stop doing. We both didn’t have the best parent role models growing up, but God has sent people along our way to help us, and He's given us the Bible to guide us. There are many lessons the Bible teaches about marriage, and I encourage you to open the Bible and see what God is speaking to you. One thing God taught me is in Ephesians 5:22-23. It says Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. To me, this meant that I had to acknowledge that God has placed my husband as the head of the household, then I had to let him. I had to submit to my husband, and follow his lead. As I did that, he truly began to lead because I was no longer hindering him or causing him to stumble. (This requires trust in God and God's guidance, so ask God what he wants you to do).

Secondly, Proverbs 14:1 says the wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. This revelation really convicted me. Fighting with my husband, bashing him on Facebook, telling people his flaws, all those things were tearing my marriage and my house apart. Yes, we had all sorts of issues, and they were not 100% my fault, but my big mouth and I were big contributors. If I was not building up my husband, I was not building up my marriage nor was I building up my house. I was doing the exact opposite. This brutal truth changed my outlook on my marriage. We also had to learn to exercise patience, humility, love, forgiveness, kindness, and more. Without these things our marriage would never work. We try our best not to keep record of wrongs, or of things we’ve done. We had to learn to be like Christ. We try not to say things like, “I did the dishes last night, so you have to do them tonight.” We have to think that the other person’s needs are more important than ours. If I know he’s had a long and hard day at work, I’ll take out the trash or do what needs to be done, regardless if he sees it or if it’s my fifth time doing it that week. The Bible says, don't be selfish; don't try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves (Philippians 2:3). One thing that really helps our marriage is that my husband and I don’t stay angry with one another very long. We don’t hold grudges, and we don’t hate one another. We get over our anger and conflicts quite quickly. Yes, there are many things we don’t like about each other. I know we’d each be able to list a great amount about what the other person should work on or change, but we accept the other person for who they are. We don’t focus on the bad, but we are grateful for each other and are committed to helping each other become the best they can be.

Lastly (you probably saw this coming), we PRAY for each other. When I’m in one of my moods, in the middle of a potty mouth session, he will lay hands on me and pray for me right there. It makes me chuckle when he does that, but I accept his prayer and kind gesture because I know that I’m not behaving the way I should. It stops me in my tracks and makes me evaluate myself. It tells me that I have a chance to stop, and make things right. Or that the outcome doesn’t have to be as ugly as my words or actions. As for me, I pray for my husband every night. Most of the prayers are repetitive. I say things along the lines of, “I pray that my husband will become the man of God you’ve called him to be. Help him to make the right decisions and do things that are pleasing to you.” Sometimes, when I’m really frustrated, I pray (demand, complain, whine, beg) that God will change him, work in him, help him. Regardless, I am not afraid to pray or ask God for help. I may not be able to change my husband, but God can.

As you can clearly see, we have a lot of issues. Things are not always smooth. We live no fairy tale life, nor is everything all hunky dory. We have problems, but we manage. Many times, it’s about how we deal with them. We can choose to make an issue bigger than it is or not; we can choose to take offense or not; we can refuse to forgive or not; and we can choose to go to sleep angry or let it go. We CAN choose. If you are struggling in your marriage, ask God for help. Reach out to a Pastor, a Godly couple, or Marriage counselor. Get help. It's not too late.

Let us Pray.

Heavenly Father,

We praise You. You are magnificent, wonderful, brilliant, and adorable. Lord, You are the Creator of marriage, the Creator of the universe. You created Adam and Eve; you created us. Thank you. I also thank you for the readers, and I pray that they would be blessed by this message today. Pull on their heart strings and show them what they need to do or stop doing. Help us to be like Christ, to be merciful, forgiving, loving, thoughtful, and kind to others. Help us to serve our spouses, to love them, and to respect them. All these things are pleasing to You. Help us to be like your Son, Jesus A lot of this sounds easier said than done, that is why we need Your help. God, you are mighty to save, and my husband and I are living proof that you save marriages. I’ve witnessed you save many marriages. Please help the readers in their marriages. Be at the center of these marriages because we can’t do it alone. Break the pride, egos, and sins. Forgive us so we can see that we need to forgive our spouses. Bring healing and restorations to these marriages, and also Godly men and women to help the readers. We thank you in advance and praise You for working and for all the breakthroughs that are coming.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Prayerfully,

Pam