Growing in Christ

Have you ever heard the saying, you are who you surround yourself with? I'm not sure where this saying came from, but I believe that this is a very true statement. The Bible says it a different way, walk with the wise and become wise, associate with fools and get into trouble (Proverbs 13:20). The point is that you will be influenced by the people you hang out with. Reexamine your friends and your own behavior. If you are in this situation or you don't like how you're behaving, don't fret! The great part is that it is not too late to change. If you don't have wise friends, hang out with Jesus because I can assure you, the more you hang out with Jesus, the more you will be like him!

Jesus was the perfect example of God. He was humble, gentle, kind, loving, gracious, merciful, and forgiving. So if we are Christ's followers, we ought to imitate him and after some time being in God's Word, praying, and getting to know Christ, we will slowly become more like him. Our minds will be renewed and we will be transformed (Romans 12:12)! We will also have the pleasant qualities of his that are listed above. I mean, if we are hanging out with Jesus, the Son of God, we ought to showcase these qualities also and if we're are not, something is wrong! God's Word says 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). I believe if we allow God to change us, we will be happier and bear this righteous fruit, but we must ask God to help us to become more like His Son.

I'm really embarrassed to say this, but sometimes when I get really angry, I swear. My oldest daughter just said to me yesterday, Uh Mom, you've been swearing a lot lately (Yes, God even speaks through children). Boy did she put me in my place. I could have made excuses or told her that I'm an adult or that I can do whatever I want, but I said in a lowly voice, You're right, I have been swearing a lot and I'm going to work on it. I'm sorry; I will try my best not to do it anymore. Wow! Being corrected by your daughter is not fun, especially when she's right!!! Yikes! I consider myself a follower of Christ, but I sure don't feel like it when I'm swearing, or feeling bitter, unforgiving, or resentful. Instead I feel ugly, filthy, and mean.  Before I say something bad (that doesn't build one up), a still small voice tells me to stop. I do have enough time to stop if I wanted, but I often times disregard it say what I want. Sometimes, I honestly don't feel like I'm getting any better, but then I remember how far I've come. But I've realized that when I don't listen to God, I will always end up kicking myself and asking God for forgiveness.

Before I wouldn't have the slightest concern if I talked bad about someone, and I purposely told people so that what I said would get back to them. On top of that, I felt that people owed ME the apology. I could hold grudges and take them to the grave with me. I kept records of how people wronged me, just waiting for the day I could use it against them or put them in their place. I had a lot of ammunition, just waiting for the perfect time. I strategically remembered how that person hurt me and replayed it over and over in my mind, to keep it fresh so I could get them back and prevent them from hurting me again. This was not fun and I was quite miserable.

God showed me that I needed to forgive. My thoughts, words, and actions were tainted. I was blinded by my hatred and unforgiveness and my heart was hardened. People could tell that I had an issue because each day I was getting more and more negative--bitter and nasty. Misery loves company, right? So yes, I told the whole world what that person did to me. Justifying how it was their fault and that I was the innocent victim. I just wouldn't let it go. I found that people were distancing themselves away from me because I was dragging them in on my mess. They were sick of listening to me vent, and it wasn't fair to them. (I learned this later and apologized.) Luckily, the majority of my friends weren't gossipers and bitter like I was. Slowly, I saw how horrible of a person I was becoming. (One thing I would of wished is for them to correct me, but they didn't. However, I was awfully stubborn so who knows if I would have listened.) Many of them continued to quietly listen and endured the ugliness of my negativity and bitterness. They were patient and some were even encouraging. (They let me play the victim card and let me believe I was right.)

It wasn't until God convicted me. This was a few months after I had given my life to Christ. I don't know how to explain it but He was very clear with what He wanted me to do. Out of all the people I had unforgiveness towards, He wanted me to apologize to my mother-in-law and forgive her. These thoughts would constantly come up in my mind, reminding me of what God wanted me to do. They just wouldn't quit! (They were like those annoying pop-up advertisements.) I resisted for as long as I could. Then, I realized that it wouldn't stop so I wrestled, argued, and debated with God, saying WHAT? GOD, YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS! I'M THE ONE WHO DESERVES AN APOLOGY! LET ME REMIND YOU AND SHOW YOU MY MENTAL LIST OF ALL THE HURTFUL THINGS SHE'S SAID AND DONE! THEY ARE BEYOND FORGIVABLE! But God persisted. He wasn't changing His mind and the more I resisted, the more filthy I felt. During this time, He was softening me and chipping away at my hardened heart. He showed me how He loved me and forgave me and that I must also do this to others (Matthew 6:14).

I couldn't take it anymore and I knew God was right. So one day, I mustered up the courage and called her, hoping she wouldn't answer. (Then I could leave a voicemail and be done with it.) But I was not getting the easy, wimpy way out. Yep, you guessed it. SHE ANSWERED! My voice cracked as I tried to get my words out. I told her that I was sorry for all the hurtful things I said and done. I began crying and told her how much I appreciated her. That she was really my second mom and taught me a lot of what I know....that she was a good person. Before I knew it, I was babbling compliments and saying sorry over and over. I told her about the good qualities I saw in her and that I loved her. Fortunately, she accepted my apology. I don't remember if she apologized also but that didn't matter. This was my apology. It was quite embarrassing the way it happened, but I also felt a great release. It was like I had been wearing sunglasses and only seeing a gray, colorless view, but after my apology, they were lifted and now I could see clearly.

You see, God wasn't asking me to forgive to benefit her, it was to benefit me. Who knows if she even knew the mental list I had kept of her wrongs. Yet, from that day on, I chose to forgive her and to erase all the tally marks of her wrongs against me (yes, even the big ones). If I had a thought about the hurtful things she said or did, it still hurt. But each time, it hurt less and less. I had to say out loud, No, I've forgiven her. I also had to make a critical decision to STOP TALKING about her and the bad things she did. That wasn't easy, but God says in His the Bible that He is our avenger (Romans 12:19). And our loving Father reminded me that one day, each of us will have to give an account for how we lived (Romans 14:12). It was not my duty to judge her, nor was it my duty to put her in her place. I had to forgive and God would do the rest. I can say that we have a great relationship now. It isn't trouble free. She still says hurtful things, and I still vent about it. But I am not malicious as I once was. I vent to my trusted sisters in Christ, and then let it go. And I'm sure I do and say hurtful things to her also. But for the most part, we stay on good terms and make it work.

Are you shocked? Nah! You shouldn't be because I've already told you all that I'm not perfect. And these ugly habits of mine just remind me that God still has a lot of work left to do in me. It shows me my weaknesses and flaws, but Scripture does say, my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness (2 Corninthians 12:9). So all the changes in me is by God's hand and His Grace. I couldn't have done it alone. Praise God that I am not as miserable and negative as I used to be. My heart is no longer hardened, which can make me more vulnerable to getting hurt. But we are not to live with hardened hearts; we are to bear His righteous fruits of love, kindness, mercy, grace, and forgiveness. Spend time in the Word and hanging out with Jesus. I trust that you will be transformed. People still hurt me, I am not immune. But I've learned to lift these cares up to God and trust that He will take care of it. Plus, it isn't a compliment being thought of as Pessimistic Pam. It's horrible actually.

Now let us Pray.

Mighty God,

You are so wonderful! Full of mercy and love, but also of righteousness and correction. Thank you for all these wonderful people reading and for giving me the courage to be transparent with them. It is for Your Glory that I was able to forgive and now I am not as miserable as I once was. Please use this blog to speak to the readers about how You can help them change in these areas.

If some are harboring bitterness or unforgiveness, show them how to release it. Show them how bitterness poisons us because the Bible says that bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many (Hebrews 12:15). Help them to get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice (Ephesians 4:31). Help them to see clearly, deliver them from the bondage and slavery of bitterness. Set the readers free! Your Word says that Jesus died for us to have life, and have it to the full (John 10:10). So begin your transformations in those who are willing, and let Your Will be done.

In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Prayerfully,

Pam