God's Changes in Me

I can't begin to tell you all the changes God has done in me since November of 2010, but I can tell you that I was dirty, blemished, and filthy--full of sin. But first let me remind you all that I am not perfect and that I will never pretend to be. God is still working in me, and I know it will be an ongoing and lifelong process. God's Word says that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Jesus Christ returns (Philippians 1:6). This promise of God's makes me glad. There is still a lot of work to be done in me, and I'm willing to let Him continue—to mold me and to chip away at everything that not in line with Him. I'm so much happier with the person I've become than the person I once was. Let me share.

Before coming to Christ in 2010, my heart was hardened from being hurt by so many people. I was bitter and resented a lot of people. I held on to a lot of grudges and was unforgiving. All the hurt I had turned into anger, and that anger turned into rage. If I couldn't directly hurt those who hurt me, I often talked bad about them; I assaulted them with my voice and words. This habit eventually lead to me speak bad about anyone. If you read my previous posts, I wrote that I judged other very harshly, gossiped, swore, and was not a nice person to be around. I often said what was on my mind without concern for others, and the things that came out of my mouth were very mean and appalling. I did not care if what I said hurt the people around me because I myself was hurt. I often took out my anger and frustration on others.

I specifically enjoyed talking bad about those who talked bad about others. I gossiped about those who gossiped. They were my favorite people to criticize. I pointed out their flaws and ridiculed them for all the bad things they said and did. If I found out that they were talking behind someone's back, I didn't hesitate to go back and tell that person all the bad things they had said. I think calling me a Drama Queen would be an understatement. My moods were always up and down; they were everywhere and rarely was I happy or in a good mood. Now that I look back, I embarrassingly see how unstable and foolish I was, even uncontrollable at times. I was also blind to how hypocritical I was. Then after coming to Christ, I soon learned that words could never truly be taken back. I could apologize, but the words I said would not be easily forgotten. I was disgusted by those actions and was afraid if I continued, I'd lose those I loved. I'm not sure how much damage I actually did, but I am so thankful that God came into my life when He did.

Many changes occurred after I accepted Christ. God almost immediately prompted me to reach out to people I had wronged or held grudges against. Mainly people from middle school and high school who I had drama with and was not in touch with. He was giving me another chance to clear my slate. I Facebook messaged a lot of people and apologized. I apologized for the hurtful things I said and did. Most people were receptive, some reminded me more of my faults, and others had a hard time remembering that I ever offended them. Either way, I was genuinely remorseful and grateful to those who accepted my apology. His Word says, Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

God was giving me closure and removing anything that would stumble my walk with Him. I also apologized to close friends and family for my temper tantrums and for putting up with me. I have to say that I am glad I was obedient and the forgiveness I received (from God and others) took a load off of my chest.

Another significant change was that I no longer wanted to listen to any other music except Christian music. I used to love rap, R&B, hip hop, etc. I mainly decided this because I wanted to create a peaceful environment for children and to make sure the only spirit we had around was God's Holy Spirit. If you're confused, read the Giving my Life to Christ post. I also stopped celebrating Halloween due to my daughter’s history of being tormented by spirits. God was working and my relationship with Him was growing rapidly. This new relationship prompted me to make some other changes also. One thing I greatly enjoyed was clubbing and when I did that, I drank and occasionally smoked cigarettes and did other drugs. But I knew I had to stop. God's Word clearly states that You can't serve two masters (Matthew 6:24) and I had to choose between the two!

I think having church on Sunday mornings definitely helped because it's hard to get up for church if you just spent the evening before clubbing and being out until 2 or 3am! One of them had to go and I chose church over clubbing (but if you can actually believe this, church was even more fun than clubbing)! The spiritual high that I felt in God's presence is far better than the high from any club or drugs. God's presence far exceeds anything on this earth; nothing can compare to it!

My shoes, clubbing attire, and makeup used to be my most prized possessions, but now they're worth of little value and I'm proud to say that my clubbing attire is gone. My interests changed from gossiping to Bible Study, from drugs to singing praise and worship songs, and I now church instead of clubbing. I am not saying that you need to make the same changes I made, nor am I judging those who do drink, smoke, or go clubbing. Who am I to judge when I used to do all those things? Please don't misinterpret my message. I am simply sharing with you what God spoke to me and how He helped me to make my life more healthy on a physical, spiritual, and psychological level. Let God speak to you about what you need to do. If you feel that God is calling you to make changes, do them and ask God for help. (It's better to do them sooner than later.) If you want to quit drinking, clubbing, or doing drugs, go to God. Be obedient to your convictions. If you know you need to quit talking bad about people and behind their backs, you can. God is happy to help.

I want to note that you may lose some friends along the way, but I emphasize that having Christ as your Savior is worth the risk. Maybe you need to lose those friends. If the people in your life truly love and support you, they won't be offended by these changes, and may even embrace the changes. I am still surrounded and blessed by so many friends and family and have even made better friends than the ones I no longer have, not to mention all the brothers and sisters in Christ that I've gained. Go for it, you’ve got this! (I've had no regrets!)

Let us Pray.

Father God,

I praise you. I exalt you. All Glory, Praise, Honor, and Power is Yours. You are righteous, Holy, Pure, and Perfect! You are sovereign and You will forever reign! I want to thank you for helping me break my bad habits and opening my eyes to the things that were hurting me instead of helping me. Thank you for also showing me how I was hurting others and how my words affected and destroyed them. Most of all thank you for continuing Your work in me.

I also thank you for all those reading, and I pray for those who may be struggling with similar issues. You know exactly where they are. Guide them in the changes that they need to make and help overcome. If they need to stop gossiping, help them nip that in the bud. If they have unforgiveness, show them how to forgive and the great relief it will bring to them. In Matthew 6:14 you ask us to forgive so we can be forgiven. If they need to make amends with someone, give them courage. All that you ask us to do is to benefit ourselves. Help us to be obedient so that our relationship with you and others may flourish.

In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Prayerfully,

Pam