God is in the Pain
Photo by Francisco Moreno on Unsplash
I am currently grieving as I write this. Last week, another brother of mine when home to be with the Lord. My heart is heavy, raw, and broken. As you may have recalled, I had a brother pass in 2015.
I am holding up the best I can, learning how to feel my emotions instead of trying to repress or suppress them--but to welcome them. Yet, I find myself still reverting to old habits of trying to bury the feelings deep down inside, trying to escape reality and the aching. I do mindless tasks so that I don't have to think about it, playing repetitive and brainless games on my phone. A temporary and weak fix. Some days I am brave enough to face the pain, other days I try to hide from it. A part of me tries anticipate the depression, hoping that it won't overwhelm me, and snuff out all hope, faith, and light. I remind myself that it's okay to not be okay, unsure if I really believe it.
To be honest, its times like these that I take comfort in the second coming of Jesus. I want to go home, to heaven! Don't take this the wrong way, I am not suicidal, nor do I want to end my life, I just want the pain to end. Not just my pain, but the pain in all the world. I want peace and joy. I want fullness and wholeness, instead of brokenness. I think of the promise in Revelations 21:4 where it says He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away, and look forward to it! I can't wait for it! How much longer Father God?
But then I realize that is my selfishness and sorrow speaking. Jesus will return when it is time. The Bible verse says, The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9). There are still many people who haven't yet accepted Christ. It's not fair for me to ask Jesus to return, when so many are still not yet saved. (Many of whom I know personally!) In God's timing, in God's timing. God is giving people time, time to repent and to have a relationship with Him. I must not be impatient, I tell myself, God is still at work!
It's hard not to think of what happened when my first brother passed away. His death shook my entire life, and turned my world upside down. It was not all bad however, as a great awakening with a chain of events followed. The sadness and depression made me question my existence, my life's purpose, and I had to ponder what kind of life I wanted to leave behind. It eventually got me out of my dead end job, into a rewarding job that helped hurting people, and fueled the completion of my Bachelor's degree (something I stopped and didn't know when I would finish). You can read more about this in my post From Depression to Joy.
What I am saying is, pain can have a purpose (if you don't let it consume you). I think of so many others experiencing pain, there are so many, you know? Some manage to move forward, but some get stuck. Pain has a way of waking up things deep within us, some of which that we didn't even know was there. It can also immobilize us and cause us to give up hope. It can make us bitter, hateful, and steal our joy.
One thing I've learned is that we need to move forward, we have to keep moving. No matter how much it hurts, we need to carry on. We can't give up. I'm not giving you a timeline, or telling you not to grieve. I am not telling you to just get over it; I am telling you to move on, in the hurt and pain. Don't give up. We can overcome, because our Lord Jesus overcame. 1 Corinthians 6:14 tells us that God has not only raised the Lord, but will also raise us up through His power. Jesus has been raised, and one day, so will we. We will be lifted up, and all the suffering will fall away. It will be no more. Stand on this promise, that after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you (1 Peter 5:10).
So, let us find comfort in Christ. Find comfort in God. Find comfort in the Holy Spirit. Let us read the Bible, absorb God's promises, and allow it to minister to us. It's amazing how many comforting verses you can find in only the book of Psalms. Not just comforting, but extremely accurate! If I am out of words or don't know how to pray, all I have to do is quote a passage from Psalms.
Pour out your pain dear friend, don't let it poison you. God understands our pain and He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18). Moreover, God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble (Psalm 46:1), so call on Him! I know I will. I don't have many other options! If you don't think anyone can understand your suffering, you may be right. BUT GOD CAN! Read Psalm 139!!!
I share my pain with you, so that you know you are not alone (not for pity). We are all hurting. We all experience difficulty, discomfort, and distress. It doesn't have to be death or loss, it can be other things we've had to sustain. My pain is a reminder that I am not the only one hurting, but that there are many others hurting, too. God knows all of this. He sees your struggles, your tears, your agony and affliction. Psalm 56:8: You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. God is keeping track, so go ahead, cry out to Him! He is waiting, and He is ready to respond. Will you call on Him?
Let us pray.
God Almighty,
I am hurting, in deep sorrow and anguish. Some days I feel like all the wind has been knocked out of me. Other days I feel like I'm drowning in sadness. There are days when I don't want to wake up. Not just me, but so many others Lord! How long will this last?, we ask in desperation. When will it end? So, we pray for Your comfort and ask for relief. Not just for my family and me, but for all those hurting and suffering. Help us to not go under with all of these waves crashing into us, trying to take us under. Help us to endure. Send us people who can hold us up, brothers and sisters in Christ. May we remember Your sacrifice, the death of Christ. May we be comforted knowing better times are ahead, and that earth is only our temporary residence. May You give us enough grace for each day, as You bring healing and wholeness with time. May we persevere. May this pain not be in vain. Save us, deliver us, heal us. Give us the joy of the Lord. Do it quickly Lord! Let Your Glory and Power be made known in our weakness. Our hope and faith is in You. Remind us that You know all things and that You are in control. Thank You. In Jesus' name.
Prayerfully,
Pam
